We Don't Live Here Anymore

This will be the final post on jeremyandjensblog.blogspot I'm afraid. It's true, all good things, or semi-good things (such as this blog) must come to an end. But sometimes when a blogger closes a door, they open a window, a big, fancy bay window that's even more awesome than that old door you're used to. So, my friends, I invite all of you to visit us, comment on or just lurk us at our BIGGER AND BETTER SITE

http://steenkybee.blogspot.com

Update your URLs people, you won't want to miss all the action that goes down there. Before I brag it up too much, I must warn you that it's pretty much the same stuff that goes down on this site, but I've tinkered with the HTML so it looks a bit more professional. I've copied all the posts from this blog over there so you can look back with fondness on everything we've done up until this point.

Please join us at http:/steenkybee.blogspot.com

Thanks for reading!!

The Friday Five

This week's installment of The Friday Five is...

The five real mysteries of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? As of late, our family has been watching a lot of this cartoon. Henry discovered it about six months ago. It's brought back such nostalgia for both me and Jeremy. After watching it over and over, we've noticed that besides the mystery in every episode where the monster is eventually unmasked, we've come up with a few questions of our own.

Now mind you, I'm going to skip over all the obvious questions surrounding this show such as, 'Is Velma a lesbian?' or, 'Does anyone else in the Gang notice that Fred and Daphne always disappear to make sexy time?' or finally, 'Is Shaggy always stoned?' The answers to these questions are, yes, no and yes. In that order.

Here are the questions Jeremy and I ask ourselves each time we hear the Scooby-Doo theme song starting up:

1. What's with all the real estate fraud? Have you ever noticed that almost every episode revolves around this concept? Why don't the 'villains' just take the current land owners to court? Why not old fashioned murder? Not that I'm suggesting violence on a 1970's cartoon, but how did everyone get the revelation to spook people out of their property? And why don't the authorities ever suspect the Gang's involvement in any of this? After all, they're always smack dab in the middle of these elaborate property disputes. And wouldn't the Gang become wise to this eventually? You'd think after you've been chased by one vampire who was eventually unmasked as the old care-taker of the haunted hotel, the next immortal creature you ran across...well, you'd be a little wiser.

2. Why doesn't the Gang pay more attention to their surroundings initially? This would certainly save them at least 22 minutes per day, at least per episode. It would, however, rob us of seeing 'those meddling kids' visit the Snow Ghost in the Himalayas. And how'd that Mystery Machine make it up that hill?

Do you know how many mysteries involved hidden wires, transparent skis, projectors and mirrors? And that's just old school Scooby-Doo. On the What's New, Scooby-Doo? program, the techno-trickery involves, plasma screen televisions mounted to the bottom of boats, elaborate power point technology, lasers and mind operated computers.

If the Gang just would take a closer look at their surroundings and take the time to learn the difference between dry ice and actual smoke, their trips would be a little more hassle free.

3. What's up with Velma and her glasses? Seriously, she's always losing them. Even my three year old gets frustrated with her carelessness with those things. He's all, "Velma! Pick up your glasses already!"

Velma's a smart gal. I bet she gets good grades. Why doesn't she take some of the scholarship money and invest in LASEK eye surgery or at the very least contacts? Do you even know how many ghouls have gotten this close to capturing the Gang while old Velma looks for her specs?

Really, chick. Go see an Opthamologist.

4. Just how does the Gang know the Harlem Globe Trotters and Phyllis Diller? These folks show up, at random, through out the episodes. Don't get me wrong, I love that they have friends in high places, and I'm always for seeing a little Ms. Diller, but a little back story or character development wouldn't hurt either.

5. Why doesn't the Gang ever walk side by side? They always seem to travel in a single file line, one after the other. Additionally, they rarely talk while they walk. They seem to be really interested in what's ahead of them. They all have this goofy look on their face as though they can't wait to get to where it is they are walking, be it a cave in the basement of a haunted house, a wax museum or a deserted graveyard in New Orleans.

Holy Sh*t! It's Shark Week.

As if you didn't already know. Wanna know something you DIDN'T know? Jeremy's personal mantra revolves around Shark Week. It's like he always says, "Jen, Live every week like it's Shark Week."

Am I supposed to capitalize the words 'Shark' and 'Week'? Probably not. But am I gonna? Definitely. You see, at our home, we take Shark Week very seriously. Even before this week begins, Jeremy and I carve out time between our taking over the world and his plans for brewing gasoline in mason jars in our garage to reevaluate our TIVO goals for the week. It's probably the most highly organized anyone will ever see my husband.

It goes down like this. Jeremy will scan through all the shark programs on The Discovery Channel, categorize them and assign his own ranking to them. He likes to get a smattering, if you will, of different programing. He wants a variety of shark-centric programming to fill up our recording space. My husband, he's all about variety, folks. I often heard him say, "If you've seen more than two shark bite programs in a row, you've seen too many."

He then summons me into the room and reviews/defends his choices. He takes this activity so seriously. I can't think of a single time when I've objected to any of his decisions about Shark Week, but for his sake, I just play along like it's imperative that we reach a common goal.

I just checked the TIVO and so far we've recorded the following:

Shark Attack Stories
Surviving The Bite
Day of The Shark
Air Jaws
American Shark
Top Five Eaten Alive*

*Mental Note: I'm not entirely certain the last program scheduled to record has anything to do with sharks. I need to look into that one a little closer.

Mystery: What IS It?

Overheard by me. Jeremy talking on his phone softly in the mall on Wednesday.

Jeremy: Yeah, it's the weirdest thing. The one side is fine, but the other end is miserable. Only hot air comes out.
[pause for phone call recipient to respond]
Jeremy: (laughing) Oh, sure. My wife's not pleased. Can you help me?
[pause for phone call recipient to respond]
Jeremy: Thursday should be fine. I'll be up and in really fast so hopefully you can get a closer look. I'd like you to really poke around in there, you know, feel around.

After this phone conversation ended, Jeremy looked over at me. I KNOW I had a horrified look on my face. It was, however, not even close to the expression on the face of the poor woman who had hear the one sided conversation while sitting next to us trying to eat her Chick'Filet meal.

What is Jeremy talking about?:
[a] His very personal bodily functions.
[b] His truck.
[c] Our small home network connection.
[d] Henry and his not so personal bodily functions.

I just so happen to know the answer. I will not reveal it though. That is why this post will remain a mystery.

My Ever Changing Body and Heroics

Today my Mom and I had a girl's date. She and I had planned on seeing Mama Mia together and then doing a little light shopping. When I called her to confirm, she let me know that we would be going bra shopping after the movie. I was thrilled. I thought to myself that this would make great blog fodder. When we met up, I asked her if after we tried on all the bras, if should wouldn't mind setting aside some time to talk with me about my every changing body.

"Oh, Jennifer," she said as she brushed her hand in my face. She then nervously laughed a little bit. I think she was silently wondering to herself if I was serious about this. I totally was. She must have wisened up to me because at the end of Mama Mia, she told me that she would go bra shopping alone. Drats.

Let me take you back to before the movie started. We had a little mix up with the theaters. Our tickets showed that we would be in theater 14. But once we got to the doors, we noticed The X-Files was sheduled to show there. A group of us Mama Mia-ers gathered outside theater 14's doors. As I surveyed the small crowd I could see that all twelve of us, were above the age of 55 with the exception of me, a teenager and the five week infant she brought along to the movie. I KNOW. What's the teenager doing there, right?

It felt like the most uncomfortable forty seconds in my life as the group of us stood around and wondered to each other out loud, "Should we just go in? Do you think the candy people would know anything about this mix up?"

I had just seen The Dark Knight the day before and I had learned from that movie that every situation calls for a hero and sometimes an unlikely one. I was just trying to recall verbatim the whole speech that Christian Bale had worked up about this very topic because it seemed oddly appropriate for this very situation. Just when I was going to start launching into my 'unlikely hero speech' something overcame me and I suddenly stepped forward and said very slowly, very deliberately, "I will get to the bottom of this."

It was nothing profound by any means, but just how long were we all going to stand around and look at each other shrugging our shoulders? Also, just how long was that infant going to make it through the movie?

With that, I was off. I scurried up the hall, past the candy people who apparently were all busy trying to breaking a $20. I then walked confidently up the ADA ramp to the gangly teenage ticket usher named Jaren who probably got a ride to his theater job from his Mom. I briefly explained our situation to Jaren. He looked at me like I had worms crawling out of my ears. I had to use props and hand gestures to gain his understanding. But after my game of charades was over this kid gave me the answer I needed.

I then turned around to meet the other eleven movie goers anxiously awaiting the verdict at the bottom of the ramp. One of them spotted me coming and pointed in my direction and exclaimed, "Here she comes!"

It suddenly dawned on me the power I held in my hands. These people were all waiting on me. I drank it in and shortened my stride a little to savor the anticipation a little more. I concentrated really hard on keeping my best poker face as to not let on either way what the answer might be. At the end of my promenade, I proudly walked up to those ten strangers and my Mom and said a little too dramatically, "Come on folks, we're in theater 8."

I would like to say that's where the story ends. It's such a nice tale. But no. In a panic that theater 8 might only have a dozen seats my dear Mother thrust me forward and said in an urgent voice, "You go on without me! Get us good seats. RUN!"

Also in the 'I would like to say' category, my Mother did the loudest girl inhale when the preview for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Electric Bugaloo flashed on the screen but passed harsh judgement on the High School Musical 3 trailer. Eck. Who would see HSM3 anyway? (Seriously, Julee, call me. We'll make plans.)

The Friday Five

This Friday Five is all about heart break and the top five techniques I've seen used to create it.

Here’s Buckner. He’s trying to buy a house.

He and his wife have been utilizing the services of a part-time Real Estate Agent who just so happens to be a friend. However, things just aren't working out for the Buckners because the part-time real estate agent takes his part-time status very seriously.

Scott asked my advice the other day on how he could gently let his friend/agent down easy while still letting him know that he is a little disappointed. I told him that I’d be more than happy to help him find an easy way of letting his friend go by lending him some wisdom that I’ve learned from breakups in my past. (In the remainder of this post, the word ‘agent’ shall represent the person who is no longer the object of affection.)

1. It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve heard this before. Turns out, it IS you and not them. However, I’ve used this excuse myself and really believed the words coming out of my mouth just to discover weeks later that it WAS them. If someone ever tells you this it means they are too lazy to come up with excuse.

2. The Friend Zone. I like you (agent) better as a friend. This wouldn’t work with Scott’s situation. The agent already is his friend.

3. Double Timing. Just show up with another agent. This method has proven highly successful on me. Some people call this cheating. I’m some people. It’s a clear indicator that you’ve moved on. I’ve had a few agents end relationships with me this way. If Bucker chooses this escape route, he will have to do one of two things when confronted; 1) Deny what the agent is seeing with his very eyes and tell the agent that the other agent is just a friend, or 2) Ignore his agent and hope he goes away. This is probably the most uncomfortable of all the break up techniques.

4. The Freeze Out. This is the method of choice for a lot of people looking to loose their agent. Simply put, Scott should just start putting his agent down, stop returning his agent’s calls and make life pretty miserable for him. This will force the agent to break up with Buckner, thus, letting him off the hook for being the instigator of the break up. Caution: this technique will take longer, sometimes up to years to execute. It will often lead to scarring the agent with self esteem and trust issues, but in the end, you DO get the break up without having to say the words “break” and “up” together in the same sentence. However, the sad break up story DOES go to the agent and they will use this mojo to attract other ‘prospective buyers’.

5. Witness Protection Program. Scott could tell his agent that he’s been living a secret life and protected by the witness protection program. His cover has been compromised and he has to move on. He can’t tell the agent where he’s moving on to due to security reasons. This honestly happened to the father of a friend of mine. He bought the story and was heartbroken as he told us this whole drawn out saga. Even as a ninth grader, when I heard this scenario, I was thinking to myself, ‘Dude, you got scammed. Big time.”

In the end, Scott opted to not take ANY of my advice as to how to cut ties with his agent. As of press time, Scott had decided to pass a note to his agent letting him know that he wanted to break up and that he would no longer be his BRERF (Best Real Estate Agent Forever).

Video: A Typical Breakfast With Reese

One of my favorite things to do on the days that I'm home is enjoy a lazy breakfast with my girl. Today it was oatmeal. After eating, she had a lot on her mind.



Here's Reesie wishing you all a Happy Pioneer Day from Utah!